A Distant Memory
by Water Solace
Summary: He mourned over what could have been, what should have been. But the sun does not stop rising, and the world does not stop turning over one fallen star. Life goes on, and so must he... no matter how much it hurts.
1. Surreality

**A/N:** This story is continuing 'Remembrance'. If you are new to the story, you don't have to worry about the previous installations. Reading this first will add more mystery to it, I suppose. But if you have the time, go ahead and check out 'Of the Sand and the Sea' and 'Remembrance' to get the full story.

This first chapter is more of an introduction, so it isn't long, but the coming chapters will be longer.

_Just a warning:_ The rating may go up in later chapters.

* * *

~ Part 1 ~

Introductory – Surreality

* * *

~.~.~

He could hear another heart beating. He stopped, listened. He turned toward the source. For so long he'd been searching the grassy plains, where nothing but he and the wind wandered. Now he finally found, or rather stumbled upon, what he was looking for.

It was a shy and timid creature, yet still wild and free. It would come and go like the wind, or like the waves on the sand.

He wanted to be closer to it, to reach out and stroke its neck. But he dared not move. He did not want to frighten it away. It was restless; trotting in circles like it was unsure what to do or where to go.

It snorted and stomped with frustration. Now they both stood still and stared. His gaze was calm but his heart beat anxiously.

"Please don't run away," he mouthed and it looked at him with wide eyes. He feared it would leave. He wanted to lunge forward and make it stay. But he dared not. That would certainly make it flee, whether in fear or playful glee he'd never know. It used to be one and then the other, flipping its emotions like a coin.

It was frozen like a statue and it wasn't running away. Not running away was good, but he wanted it to come closer.

Slowly, so very slowly, he held out his hand. "Come here," he whispered.

The creature suddenly startled. He watched helplessly as it darted away, running and leaping over tall grass. Then it was gone. It disappeared like mist in the wind.

He stood immobile, hand still outstretched and seeking. He stared out to the horizon, squinting his eyes against the harsh sunlight. Slowly he let his hand fall to his side. Gone… again. Just when it seemed it would get close, it vanished. There was a time when its hazel eyes were gentle with trust instead of rigid with terror. He wondered if he'd ever see that look again. He tried to summon its image to his mind, but it was fleeting and blurred. It was a reflection disturbed by ripples. It was stolen away from him first by the ghost mist and then by the river and now, he feared, by his own mind.

He began his search once again, just he and the wind disturbing the sunbathed prairie. He looked for signs of its cloven hooves in the dirt, looked for the crumpled blades of grass that it ran through. He found neither. It had vanished like the ghost it carried within. But no matter how difficult he would continue on. He could not stop, for stopping would mean giving up and giving up would mean death.

And that was something he could not accept.


	2. A Brother's Worry

~ Part 2 ~

A Brother's Worry

* * *

~.~.~

He silently walked down the dusty, wind-beaten path – a man in all black. He was headed towards the Kazekage's Mansion. All around him were the everyday aspects of life; villagers going about their daily lives. Shopkeepers kept their doors open and lured in potential customers from the hot streets with shade, goods, and cold drinks. Children played, racing across the street after one another, adults were bustling about, taking care of their business, and elders reminisced aloud about the days gone by.

"Kids these days are so soft," he heard an old man say to another, "It's pitiful how they complain of the heat."

He heard the other man chuckle as he passed them by, "But we're already old… so we can complain all we like!" The men chortled together in their shared humor.

He walked farther, his pace slow as he thoughtfully passed all sorts of people in the place he called home.

A little girl was tugging on her mother's apron. "When will dad come home? Isn't his mission over yet?"

The man dressed in black said a silent prayer for the shinobi who was away from his family. Hopefully he would make it home safely to his daughter. Being a ninja was dangerous work.

"Hot," a youth groaned to his friend. "It's so hot. Hotter than usual. Man, I wish she'd come back and make it rain."

"It just rained this morning," his friend replied.

"Are you kidding? That was nothing. Don't you remember the downpours she made happen?"

The mention of _her_ made him snap back into the moment, made him remember where he was going. He picked up his slow, contemplative pace and quickly made his way to the building where the Kazekage worked and resided. The dome-shaped structure loomed before him. He went up the stairs and passed through the grand entry. He walked briskly still, going to a wing of the building where only family to the Kazekage lived. He stopped in an open doorway and stared at the figure sitting in the room.

"He's talking to her again."

Temari looked up from her fan. "You followed him?"

"To the willow," Kankuro confirmed.

"You know that place is off limits."

"I know… But I was worried." Kankuro sat down next to his sister, slumping in his seat. It had rained. It was a rare occurrence that did not happen often in the desert. But when it did… he always went there. Every time it rained, he went _there_. There was no need to follow him; Kankuro knew where he would be. But truth be told, Kankuro had started trailing him the moment it started to sprinkle. Just to make sure nothing bad happened on the way. He always worried about his little brother.

"It's his way of coping," Temari said as she went back to polishing her weapon.

"It's been two years."

His sister didn't respond. Kankuro sighed quietly, forlornly. His younger brother had worked hard to get where he was. The path to Kazekage was a long, steep, and difficult one. The scarlet haired shinobi had worked so hard to gain the trust of the villagers and his fellow ninja. Kankuro had once thought it to be an impossible feat. But he did it. Overcoming the odds, his brother somehow managed to erase the past and build upon it a new sense of life and trust.

But perhaps he should not say erased.

There was still a ways to go. The past never really went away. It was a daily hardship to beat out the image of who he used to be and instill in its place the image of who he was now. From an insane monster with the purpose of killing to a respected and revered leader. There laid a long stretch between the two.

The grounds around the weeping willow tree were considered restricted, forbidden. That meant no access to ordinary villagers and ninja. But still… Kankuro worried someone may wander into that restricted area and hear him 'speaking' to her – one who had been dead almost three years now. He had been made a Kage only a short time ago. Hearing him conversing with the dead would not do well to convince them of his sanity… and his position would be compromised. Kankuro couldn't let that happen. He stayed hidden and kept a good distance away when he followed his brother. Then he'd make sure no one would disturb him. And though that eased some of Kankuro's anxieties, he still worried about his brother. It had been so long since she passed on… Would he ever heal from that? Would he ever stop missing her?

As Kazekage it was important for him to keep the village's trust, so that the people could believe in him. But Kankuro also knew it was important to let him grieve in his own way. But if he was caught speaking to someone who wasn't there while Kankuro was out on a mission, and if he did something rash… If things went back to that way they were before, Kankuro didn't know if he could take it, if he could take losing his little brother all over again.

"Gaara," Temari suddenly said, startling Kankuro from his thoughts. He looked up and sure enough there stood his brother in the doorway.

He appeared more tired than usual and his eyes seemed dimmer, more distant.

"Hey, lil' bro," he greeted casually, betraying his inner concerns. "How are you feeling?"

"…Fine. Did anything happen while I was out?"

"Not much," replied Temari. "It's a pretty slow day. I'll be heading out to the Leaf tomorrow. The Chuunin Exams are coming up. Oh, and don't forget about that meeting."

"Right…" He moved to go, probably back to the office to see if there was any more work to be done. At that moment Kankuro felt a knot tighten in his gut. He didn't want him to go, not until he was sure…

"Gaara."

The redhead stopped and turned to face him.

"Are you sure… you're all right?"

Their eyes locked, Kankuro's beseeching for truth.

"…I'm fine." He looked away and then was gone.

Kankuro shared a troubled glance with his sister. She averted her gaze first and went back to working on her weapon.

The puppet master let out a sigh through his nose. _I'm always gonna have to worry about you, aren't I, Gaara?_ A grim smile pulled at his mouth. _Not as much as I used to though._

Granted, before the redhead had stabilized, him talking to no one meant he was speaking to 'mother' and that usually meant he was about to go on a homicidal rampage. Now when he spoke to no one it meant he was talking to his dead friend. And it was just his way of grieving… but that didn't mean their people would be able to understand the difference. They would think he was relapsing.

Gaara's sanity after facing Uzumaki from the Leaf had improved and cemented. However, her death compromised that stability. Kankuro thought he would go insane. But he didn't. There was little chance of him going back to what he was; especially after Uzumaki told him it would be disgracing her memory. The Uzumaki told Gaara never to do anything that would make her cry. After that Gaara strove to make her proud, to honor her even in death.

He pulled through, like he'd done so many times before, and maybe Kankuro wouldn't be so on edge about his 'way of coping' if it hadn't been for that one incident of mistaken identity.

Kankuro hadn't always been so vigilant to Gaara's emotional state when it rained, didn't always keep a look out when he went to the willow. He used to assume everyone was aware of the rule, of the forbidden area. He'd been wrong.

It happened not long after she died, almost a year maybe. A civilian girl around the age of eleven or thirteen wandered into that area, the light drizzle falling from the sky not enough to impede on her little walk-about to places she shouldn't have been. It was getting late. The sun had nearly disappeared, leaving only a faint trace of light to reflect in the sky before letting darkness rule. The features of the girl were not very distinguishable and Kankuro figured Gaara only saw her long dark hair and her blue attire (_she_ had always worn blue).

Kankuro remembered hearing the girl's screams.

He had been heading that way to report for a patrolling mission along the village's wall and it was a good thing he was nearby. He dashed in the direction of the screams. When he got there he saw the girl being dragged by her legs, sand constricting around them. Gaara's face was painted with a maniacal grin. His lips were pulled back to reveal his teeth and his eyes were wide with excitement. It was almost like the expression he made when he was going on killing sprees, but different in that there was no intent to kill. Even so, it reminded Kankuro of the monster his brother used to be and he had to stop him.

"No, Gaara!" Kankuro had shouted, running towards him and the girl. "It's not her! Stop, Gaara, stop!"

The red haired shinobi froze and the smile dropped from his face. The sand fell limp, releasing the girl. Kankuro immediately went to check on her. He pulled her to her feet. When he saw she was unhurt, shaken and scared but not hurt, he turned against her. He had to protect his brother, protect the trust he was trying to build with his people at that point in time. He did that by placing the blame on the girl.

"What do you think you're doing out here? This is a sacred place. Don't you know it's off-limits?"

The girl was shaking. "I'm sorry."

"We'll let you off the hook this time… but don't ever let us catch you around here again, got it?"

"Y – yes sir! I'm sorry!"

He watched her scurry off until she was gone and out of sight. He remembered checking on Gaara afterwards. His brother was struck still with shock, like reality just slapped him. "It… it wasn't…"

"No," Kankuro had said it as sternly as his heart would allow. "You need to accept it. She's dead, Gaara. She's dead."

Gaara's expression crumbled at the words. Kankuro felt pain, the pain that was seeping from his brother's heart.

Kankuro never sensed any murderous intent from his brother. If the girl hadn't been there, hadn't been screaming, if the sand hadn't been dragging her, Gaara's expression would have been interpreted for what it was – an expression of elated joy at seeing his deceased friend – or who he thought to be his friend – alive. But how could he even expect a dead person to be alive and walking towards him? It was that delusion that truly worried Kankuro. It had caused him to keep a closer eye on his brother, to protect him, because that's what big brother's do.

The death of one friend had caused Gaara, and the ones who loved him, so much pain.

She had been Gaara's friend since he was little. Though they had a falling out, she came back to him. The people of the Hidden Sand called her the Lady of the Rain. She had brought rain to the rainless city. Though her abilities with water and ice were incredible, they also made her very sick. She had already been a frail kind of girl, not the strong type. After bringing the rain and replenishing the village's reserves, she fell deathly ill. She had barely pulled through with the Hokage's help. Then, still weak, she went on another mission (what had the Leaf been thinking sending her out?) and was unable to escape danger.

A mudslide ambushed her team as they traveled through an unstable mountain pass. She wasn't able to get out; she fell into the ravine, into the swollen river made angry by the storm. The rapids overtook her… and she died.

They looked for her; they followed the river all the way to the ocean. But she was gone. A bloodied scrap of her clothing was all that remained. The anguished screams, those feral cries of pain, Gaara made on the shore that day would haunt Kankuro for the rest of his life.

She had meant so much to Gaara, maybe too much. Ever since that day he hadn't been the same. A light had gone out in his eyes. A wound, a hole, had been left to bleed in his heart. And now Kankuro was beginning to fear… that it was a wound that would never heal.

No matter what, Kankuro would be there for his brother. He would help Gaara with his burdens.

He would try to soak up as much of the pain from him as he could. Then maybe… they could come out stronger than before.


	3. The Rain

~ Part 3 ~

The Rain

* * *

~.~.~

Life was difficult, as it had always been for him, without her there to soothe away the pain.

There was a chill, a coldness in his life where she should have been. Her absence became too much to bear when it rained, because he was reminded of what he'd lost. It was then he went to the willow, the tree she brought to the desert, the tree she made grow. It was the only one of its kind, a scared deciduous willow that should not have been able to thrive in the desert, should not have been able to keep its leaves year-round. It was special. It was a part of her. The memories he felt under the shelter of its draping leaves wrapped around him like a blanket, warm and comforting.

"Don't cry," he'd say as the rain fell. "Look at what I've become. Are you proud of me? Katherine…"

Friendship could span the gap between worlds; this she had proven. He wished she could span the gap between heaven and earth.

"Stay with me," he would say as the mist left with the wind, "Just a while longer."

He told himself she was there with him. She came riding the clouds of the storms. It rained. He pleaded her not to cry. The thunder rolled. He begged her not to be so angry with him.

"I know, back then… I hurt you. I'm so sorry."

Lightning flashed, and he told her not to be scared.

"I'm here," he'd say to her, "I won't… let anyone hurt you." His voice would crack then, because he hadn't been able to protect her. He broke his promise. And he never got around to telling her…

"I love you," he whispered, a broken smile lingering.

The storms, the rare visits, were short and far in-between. Every day it was either clear skies or sandstorms. The rain, the life giving rain, was scarce. Even the desert's rainy season did not grant much. It was normally very warm during the entire year and very hot during the summer. Winter was what desert dwellers called the season of rain. It was the only time they could expect any precipitation, and even then the rain would occasionally evaporate before it seeped into the ground. Many years had been rainless and their reservoirs were running dry. The entire village had been in a state of emergency.

Then she came and called the water down. The rain returned during its season after that, replenishing the village, and he thought her spirit must be with it. What else would make it come back? For years before her intervention the dark clouds had always gone past them, not giving a speck of water. He remembered sitting with her as a child, explaining the delicate relationship the desert had with rain. That was before she could summon the clouds, but even then she had a connection to the water. She had saved him from drowning in rapids.

But he could not save her.

He shook the thought away, violently stomping it out. He could not accept that she… He would not say it, not think it.

Every day he looked to the sky, looking for the signs of her storms. Though the skies were almost always cloudless, he convinced himself she would be back. She'd be away for a while, but she'd come back with the rainy season.

She always came back.

"She's dead, Gaara," Kankuro's voice would repeat in his memory. "She's dead."

He closed his eyes, closed his ears. _He did not want to hear those words._

Though for now the heavens were clear and blue and the sun beat its heat down upon the village, he knew the cooling rain would return.

"Lord Kazekage, the meeting is about to begin."

In the meantime, he had a village to look after.

"Very well." His face was a stoic mask of iron, concealing whatever emotion that lied beneath. No matter the situation, no matter what he felt, he knew he must be strong for his village. He breathed in the dry breeze once more before going with Baki to the meeting hall.

He and the council members sat around a large circular table. The statues of the previous Kazekage, his predecessors, lined one side of the room, their stone figures towering up to the high ceiling.

Thus began the meeting, and their discussion of a mercenary group called Akatsuki. He mainly listened while they talked. Black cloaks with red clouds. Itachi Uchiha, Kisame Hoshigaki; two confirmed members. A group made of extremely dangerous rogue ninja. Yuura said he had tightened security, sending ninja to watch over the outskirts and the key parts of the village. A murmur of approval followed from the other council members.

But unlike the others, Gaara did not have full trust in Yuura. The councilman had done shady things in the past. He did not say it aloud but he would be keeping an eye out for the village himself, despite Yuura's increased security. He could not afford to let down his guard.

The meeting was adjourned and he went back to the office. No paperwork waited for him. One perk of not being able to sleep was that he had plenty of time to get things done. He worked and watched over his village even while it slept. It gave him purpose, renewed resolve, and was better than idly wandering the nights, fighting the demon he held.

He stared out the circular windows that lined the outer wall behind his desk. The sun was setting, lighting the sky ablaze with brilliant oranges, purples, and reds. He was reminded, in an instant, the way the same colors reflected off the sea that day. His eyes scanned the horizon for dark clouds, longing for the presence that came along with them. The rainy season was almost over but he hoped for at least one more storm. Sadly he did not see one raincloud.

Instead he caught sight of a strange white bird.

Nothing like that existed in his desert.

He left the Kage robes behind, moving into his battle gear; black trousers, a burgundy flaring tunic, and a gray vest with straps for the gourd. He was outside and waiting as the intruder landed before him.

Straw-colored hair and a black cloak with red clouds. A member of Akatsuki, he presumed.

"That's as far as you go," he said to the intruder.

The blonde looked up, seeming surprised, before a wild grin broke across his face. He reached for a pouch on his cloak but, whatever was in there, Gaara didn't give him a chance to pull it out. Sand erupted from the ground, came around in arches, and forced the intruder, with no other escape options, to jump up. The giant white bird caught him, flying him to what he probably thought was a safe distance.

The sand quickly proved that no distance was safe.

Though Gaara was completely in his element, with unlimited desert sand coming up in waves, his opponent was a tricky one to catch. Their battle was taken to the sky. The intruder soared on the great white bird and Gaara met him at his level standing atop a cloud of sand. The Akatsuki member stayed glued to the back of the large bird with chakra focused at his feet as he flew at high speeds. He could make sharp turns instantly and even fly upside down, all without toppling off his mount.

It didn't matter where he fled. Whether he went down low into the streets, under the awnings, cut into the alleyways, or whether he went up high to mingle with the stars… sand streams were never far behind him. They followed him like heat-seeking arrows, intent on striking the target. It was impressive the intruder was avoiding them.

It was almost like a dance in the night sky. The sand chased the intruder in arches and in spirals – downwards and upwards. The full moon gleamed against the sand and the white.

All the Akatsuki member seemed to be doing was running, yet never actually fleeing the village altogether. There was something there he wanted.

As if they were mentally connected by the chase, they both came to a standstill, temporarily halting. White wings pushed down against the air as its master spoke, "So much for my covert operation. How did you know I was here?"

Sand swarmed around the Kazekage as he prepared it for another attack. "There are no birds like that one in this desert."

"Is that so? Well," He touched the scope on his left eye, "at least this way I don't have to go looking for you."

Gaara responded by lifting his hands to the sky. Sand rose up in torrents and flowed together, like rivers combining to form an ocean. The immense tsunami of sand followed his command. It formed into long claws, like the arms and hands of the beast that dwelled within him.

The Akatsuki member could no longer just run. He had to attack as well, or risk being crushed in the grip of the sand. The man created and expelled shapes of strange, exotic birds from his hands. His chakra surged in them as they expanded sizes, all smaller than his mount, but he already proved he could make them larger if he wanted. So why didn't he? Why not go all out? Unless… there was a limit to how much he could make, as he kept sticking his hands into those pouches he carried. That must be where he kept the material for his creations. That and the bigger they were the more chakra he'd have to use. Gaara's cyan eyes trailed the birds in their flight path, observing them as they moved.

_Strange explosive devices… accurately guided to their target._

The things flew at Gaara swiftly, and the sand that stopped them would be blown away in the resulting explosion, keeping it away for only a little while before more sand rose up to replace what had been lost.

Fire from the bombs flared against the dark sky. The sparks of light glared viciously, smearing out the delicate starlight before disappearing into smoke.

The intruder continued to spin and dodge. More explosions came at Gaara, this time with six wings, three on each side. They weaved between the streams of sand like needles until they were right before him. There was a flash of light, a gush of hot air.

He distantly heard his brother call out his name from below.

But he needn't have worried. The sand dome made from the gourd protected him from the detonation. He was safe in the dark cocoon. An eye of sand formed outside of it, his optic nerve was connected to it by a string of chakra so he could see.

Now it was the intruder's turn.

A giant flood of sand rose up behind the Akatsuki member, its looming shadow his only warning.

"Sand Prison!"

It encircled, closing in like the jaws of a great beast. The man dove for an exit, but he did not make it. Then there was another blast and the man flew out of the dust cloud that resulted from it. A tendril of sand shot out, grabbing him by the leg and throwing him back in. Gaara could have crushed his leg, could have grabbed him by the waist instead and crush him there, killing him. But he wanted to know what this organization's true goals were.

If he could just capture the man…

Another bird of flight appeared, catching its master before he was swallowed. The jaws of the sand prison reopened and gave chase to the one who escaped.

Capturing may not be an option after all.

The chakra infused sand from the sphere shot out, leaving a good sized hole in Gaara's protective dome. It went rocketing into the stagnant night air. It was different from the ordinary desert sand in that it was faster and stronger. He didn't want to resort to it, his 'Ultimate Defense', but he was running out of options and he couldn't let this man go free. It soon had the Akatsuki member ensnared by the arm. It crept forward, up the elbow and to the shoulder. The man tried to dislodge it with another explosive, this time in the shape of a giant centipede. The infused sand did not give way, not even a grain fell from it.

"Sand Burial," he hissed, and the sand constricted with his fist.

The intruder's arm was crushed. He managed to tear away from the sand, but he left his arm behind in the process. However the man never cried out, not in pain and not in rage. He kept silent and his eyes went wide, wild. The grin never left his face.

The shinobi of the Sand began mobilizing below, taking to their battle stations. Gaara knew they wouldn't be able to do much from their grounded positions.

The intruder rose high into the air, high above the center of the village. The Kazekage's eyes widened at what he saw next. Grinning, the Akatsuki member dropped an object. With a burst of chakra it expanded. The giant ivory bomb was falling directly to the village below.

All sound was canceled out as the _boom_ rang out. The explosion was immense, the flash was blinding. A hot wind swept over the village and bloomed into the sky above.

But his village did not fall. He would not let it fall.

The desert came to life, rising up and shielding the village. It spanned out and rose up at the edges to contain the detonation.

Gaara was gasping air into his lungs. In the instant he had to raise the giant shield, he could feel the chakra rush out of him all at once. Even for one with his chakra reserves, made large by the tailed beast he held inside, the effort exhausted him.

No time to rest. It wasn't over.

He barely caught the birds coming at him from the corner of his eye. The infused sand returned to cover the hole in his defense and he was saved from the blast. Or so he thought. They came burrowing out of the portion that crushed the Akatsuki member's arm, little white creatures. He only had a second to curse himself for being so careless before the explosion got him from within the protective sphere. Sand slithered down his body, the sand armor was cracked and flaking off.

The Akatsuki member was closing in.

He wasn't done yet. Not yet.

He raised an arm and, cautiously, the intruder pulled back. But it wasn't him Gaara was focused on.

The shield that hung over his village… he couldn't let it fall on his people.

He strained, directing the last of his chakra, and slowly it began to move, hovering sluggishly to the edge of the village. Even if it took the last of his strength, he had to move it away from the people and over the walls where it could be safely dropped back into the desert.

He could hear them. He could hear his people… cheering for him.

He would protect them. As Kazekage he would… protect... his village.

His people roared in jubilee as the sand spilled over the outer walls. Gaara's eyes swept over the village once more, making sure everything was all right.

The Akatsuki intruder was coming towards him.

His strength was gone. There wasn't a drop left.

Darkness overtook him and he could feel himself slipping from the sand that held him. Before he lost all consciousness he felt the wind, it was the first cool breeze he'd felt all night. He let it wash over him, caress him. It gave him peace. Because in it…

He could smell the rain.

* * *

~.~.~

**A/N:** Sorry for the delay. I had to redo this chapter because I was not happy with it.

We mostly see this fight from Deidara's perspective in the anime and manga, so I wrote this in Gaara's point of view. This leads me to another point. What did you think of their battle? I thought it rather strange and my reason for thinking so is in this chapter. I think Gaara could have killed Deidara. He caught him by the leg (which he could have torn off like he did to his arm… By the way, wouldn't that cause significant blood loss?) and if he could grab his leg, why not grab his head? I think Gaara was trying to capture instead of kill. That, combined with his careless faith in his defense, caused his downfall. But then again Deidara has proven to be very powerful. Anyway, it is just a theory of mine. What do you think?

Thanks for reading.


	4. Unprepared

~ Part 4 ~

Unprepared

* * *

~.~.~

It was considered an S-class mission. Very dangerous.

She clutched her hands into fists to keep them from shaking with – anticipation? – trepidation? She wasn't sure. It would mark as the first S-rank she'd ever received. She hadn't been a Chuunin for very long, at least not when compared to others who were older and more experienced. Plus Chuunin were not usually assigned to such high-rank missions. But she understood the shortage of available Jounin. She also understood the urgency the mission carried with it, and that there was no time to call in anyone else.

The Kazekage of the Hidden Sand had been taken by the Akatsuki.

The message was delivered to the Leaf by the Sand's swiftest hawk. They needed help and they needed it fast.

"You two are to head out, catch up with Team Gai, and provide any assistance necessary," ordered the Hokage, her voice strong and stern.

The dark haired girl nodded, responding, "Yes, ma'am," in unison with her teammate. They had just returned from another mission, but there was no time to rest and the supplies they had would have to be sufficient. They departed immediately.

Her green-eyed teammate beckoned her to pick up the pace with a wave of her arm as they left the village gates. "Let's go, Mae! It won't be easy catching up to Lee and Neji."

"I know," the dark haired girl said, tone soft but not weak, just firm enough to carry to her friend's ears. She channeled chakra into her feet, using it to push off the branches and catapult through the forest.

They could not be slow. They did not have time to waste. Mae understood the urgency of the situation. She also understood the urgency in her own heart. This mission was hitting closer to home with her. That was because she knew Gaara. She knew him from long ago, memories so blurry she could barely recall what he looked like before the red kanji was marred on his forehead. Before he was the Kazekage, he was the precious friend of her late aunt. It was Mae's aunt that brought him home, from the desert to the little woods. Those woods, that old home, was so far away now. It pained Mae to think about the family that was left behind.

Katy had been born twenty years after her elder sister and Mae was born just two years later. Close in age, they were more like sisters than aunt and niece. Mae could still feel the sinking despair she felt on the day Katy died. It had faded since then, but the knowledge that one of her own was gone nagged at the back of her mind. Even so, she heard Gaara had taken it much worse. Mae assumed Naruto kept him from going over the edge as he was the one to personally deliver the news of her passing.

Mae knew Naruto felt guilty, though he had no real reason to. She could see it in his eyes before he left the village with Jiraiya. He hadn't been able to find Katy, to save her. But it wasn't his fault and when he came to say his farewells Mae had told him so. Katy was gone and it wasn't anyone's fault. It was an accident.

An accident that could have been avoided.

Mae knew the one person that she herself almost ended up hating, the one who had the most guilt stacked on her, who was most responsible for her relative's death.

Her eyes locked on to the back of her teammate. Her shiny ruby hair had faded since then and, though she was a young woman, little rivulets of silver already streamed through her tresses. She was the one who led them that day, the one who made the call to travel the mountain pass in the storm.

She had changed since then. Before that day she was cheerful with mischievous twists in her personality. No matter what obstacles where thrown in their way, she believed if she kept a positive outlook everything would work out in the end. That belief died with Katy. Now her outlook was: If it could go wrong, it would go wrong. She was serious and professional when it came to ninja life. No more coasting through thinking everything will fall into place, no more letting down her guard to ponder her next prank. Even her attire spoke of her vigilance. Mesh armor covered her entire stomach and extended down from her shorts to mid-thigh. The black cloth of her shorts and strapless top were made of tight, stretchy material that could not be snagged. Black fabric covered her elbows and knees. She had many small pouches, all containing shuriken, and a kodachi was strapped securely to her back. Her hair was cut short and slicked back so it would not block her vision or be grabbed. She wore the Leaf insignia proudly; it was displayed right across her forehead. Mae could tell by her planning and training she was determined never to be caught unprepared again.

The younger girl checked her own supplies, glancing down at her one kunai holster. Whereas her teammate looked the part of a prepared ninja, Mae leaned more towards a civilian stance with her lime green, loose shirt and her ¾ length black pants. Her hair was long and kept in a low ponytail, the stray hairs in her face swept to the side. Her headband was tied casually around her waist. She did, thankfully, have mesh armor under her shirt, exposed only on her arms where her short sleeves ended.

Appearing more like a civilian was good for blending in with crowds, as a shinobi often needed to do. In fact it was more essential for ninja to blend in with the population, whether on a spy mission or at home. The element of surprise was always a good thing to have and you didn't want the enemy to know who to target or who to avoid. Of course it could also be said that a prominent ninja would dissuade some from attacking at all when on the home front.

Looking at her black clad teammate, it was obvious she was ninja. She would be the deterrent. Mae, who could be mistaken for a civilian, would be the surprise, the unknown attacker the enemy didn't notice. It worked well for their small team.

But not having a lot of weapons at the ready was a setback. Other ninja, like Tenten the weapons master, would have summoning scrolls to make up for it. Mae did not have such scrolls at the ready. She definitely wasn't as prepared and now she was cursing herself for it. Going up against the Akatsuki, she would need all the help and advantages she could get. Also, there was another matter that concerned her, and –

"Keep up with me, Mae."

The dark haired girl bit her lip, pondering if she should say something pertaining to their current mission. "Um, An–"

"It's Oreo. You know better than to call me anything else! It's the codename or no name, got it?"

"Sorry. Oreo. What are we going to do? About Gaara, I mean. After we rescue him."

There was a long, pregnant pause. Mae waited patiently for an answer; the wind they cut through as they traveled was the only thing whispering by her ears.

"Exactly as ordered," came the late reply, delivered shortly and stiffly.

"But, Gaara, he…"

_He hates you._

Mae could not stay angry with Oreo, not after witnessing her remorse. She beat herself up over her decision to take the mountain pass every day. It showed in her withered expression, in the streaks in her hair, and in the seriousness she approached each and every mission handed to her. Mae forgave her for the decision she made that day, though the faded redhead never forgave herself. Gaara never forgave her either.

To think he would diverge so much rage onto Oreo, that he'd be so hostile as to hunt her down. Mae never thought something like that would occur. But that was exactly what happened when they took the Chuunin Exams for a second time.

She remembered it well. Oreo and Mae were down one team member; Sakura Haruno was missing two – Naruto who left for training and Sasuke who defected from the village. Teams of three were required in order to partake in the exams. The solution to their dilemma was obvious.

Sakura was cooperative and tolerated Oreo's strict attitude well. And with a medic on the team, Mae was a little more at ease.

The pinkette's intelligence carried her through the first test, so all Mae had to do was worry about Oreo and herself. It was up to her to retrieve and deliver the intel and to do it quietly, without getting caught. Mae blew on her upturned palm, dispersing specially made spores into the air. Her chakra intermingled in the tiny specks, drawn to the tip of a sure-stroke led pencil. The pollen then returned to her paper and to Oreo's paper, the answers written with the fine dust that settled. All Mae and Oreo had to do then was trace it with their pencils. Mae dutifully ignored the sneezes and sniffles from the person who sat on her left. She hoped the proctors watching them would take no notice of it. Thankfully, they either attributed the sneezes to a cold or they let her get away with one strike.

Things were much smoother that time around for the first exam. However, Mae knew it would not last and, looking back, she wished they'd pulled out of the second test. That was where it happened, in the cover of the Forest of Death, away from the proctor's watching eyes.

Mae had always been good a sensing, patiently waiting and listening. It was a skill she had honed in her training. That ability was the main reason she had been so anxious, the reason she wanted to get through the forest and to the tower as quickly as possible. It was because she sensed _him_, from the very beginning, sitting just behind her during the first test. His chakra was quiet and difficult to sense. But once she did she found it agitated, like a thousand wasps swarming over their nest, ready to fly into an attack, or like a million grains of sand stirred by the wind. She didn't know at the time what or who prompted such anger.

She had her answer as they waited for the second test to begin. She saw his black framed eyes trained on Oreo, their depths holding restrained rage. It was a glare that promised death. It didn't take Mae long to figure the reason why. She knew right then that he blamed Oreo unconditionally for Katy's end.

Oreo never seemed to notice. Mae was sure she'd openly show fear if she did. After all, Mae had been shaking and his fury wasn't even directed at her. Was she the only one that sensed it? She must have been, as neither Oreo nor Sakura made a comment of it.

As soon as their gate to the Forest of Death (such a foreboding name, she thought) opened, Mae spread her chakra to all of her senses. She channeled it out of her body where it intertwined with trees, leaves, grasses – all of the plant matter surrounding them. She wanted to find a team with the scroll they needed and fast. One foot disturbing the grass or one hand pushing aside a branch would let her know where they were. They'd find a team with the scroll they needed, hoof it to the tower, and stay near a proctor for the remaining time. If they could get through the forest without bumping into him they would be fine. She just prayed Oreo would not have to go against him in the finals or the preliminaries.

But she was mistaken.

He had actually split off from his siblings, leaving them to find the scroll they needed, and tracked Mae's team down not twenty minutes into the exam. The sand stirred under her grass, every small grain ripping and tearing its way to the surface. It was too much for her, a sensory overload. She had no choice but to extract her chakra.

Mae's knees hit the ground and she clutched at her head.

"Mae! Mae, what is it?"

_Run, Oreo._ She wanted to say it, but her teeth clattered shut. Sakura knelt next to her, a soothing green chakra pulsing from her hands into Mae's aching head. It was when Oreo went completely still, completely silent, that Mae knew he was there.

They could not run, they could not hide. The memory of a clearing in the forest soaked in blood came to her mind's eye and the haunting gaze of a severed ninja's head perforated to the forefront. What he could do, what he did, she had seen it the first time through the bloodstained forest.

The sound of roaring sand and hissing fire filled the silence between the trees. Sakura pleaded with the Sand ninja, her shouts reminding him of Naruto and his reactions should he return to find a friend of his killed. Mae hoped the mention of the Uzumaki would make Gaara reconsider but he did not react, he didn't even seem to hear.

The fire could not stop the sand, it couldn't even slow it. A tendril shot through the flames and curled around Oreo's leg before she could jump away. A sickening snap resounded and Oreo screamed. Sakura dashed forward, her hands charged with chakra, and the sand sprayed where her fists connected. But there was too much of it, and it was crawling up Oreo's body. One final squeeze would end her cries. He could have killed her instantly. He didn't. He was making it slow and as Mae glanced at him, seeing his face twisted in a ferocious snarl, she knew he meant to make Oreo suffer.

Mae shot up, balancing on wobbly feet. She reached into her shirt and pulled out a strip of cloth she kept close to her heart. It was blue and stained with a blotch of rusty red. It was what remained of her aunt. She focused on it as she made the necessary hand signs. Then, in the haze of rolling smoke and burning bushes, she whispered, "Transform!"

Her eye color remained unchanged. The rest of her became a girl in blue with long, stringy brown hair and pale skin. She ran through the smoke, a ghost materializing from the haze, and fell to her knees before Gaara. She wrapped her arms around him, fingers hooking into the fabric of his pants, and begged, "Please, no! Geliebt, don't!"

The foreign word meant beloved or, as Katy translated it in her younger years, most precious friend. Mae knew she had begun to call him Geliebt as a child which she used to address him often, and had continued to do so until her end.

The sand stopped, frozen in wait for Gaara's will. He stared down at Mae, her visage replaced by Katy's, with wide, glassy eyes.

"Please, no," she repeated desperately, "Don't hurt her. She's my friend. It wasn't her fault!"

His mouth opened and closed soundlessly. Then his shock vanquished as his face melted into sorrow. He dropped down, throwing his arms around her. "My Katherine," he gasped. But he had to have known it was not for he sobered almost instantly. He pulled away hesitantly, reluctantly. He wanted to stay with his arms around her, believe it was really his lost friend and she had come back to him. He wanted to believe the impossible. However reality was constantly pressing down its blade, cold and sharp as steel.

He placed both hands on her shoulders, looking her in the eye. His expression was wavering; he was torn between what he wished for and what simply was. His stoic masked veiled his emotions in the blink of an eye which had Mae wondering if she had really seen him suffering or not.

"Stay out of the way," he said. "She deserves this."

"No," she persisted, "It's not what Katy would have wanted!"

His grip on her became a vice and she winced at his iron strength. "It's because of her. She's the one who–!"

"It won't bring her back!" Mae snapped at him, then wilted, her tone going soft. "I know how you feel but I can't let you kill Oreo. You might as well get vengeance on the mountain– on the river or the ocean and see what good it does." She watched him glance over to Oreo, could see he was deliberating. "I'm of her blood, Gaara. Kill Oreo and you'll have to kill me too. Katy will roll in her watery grave."

The Sand ninja recoiled, flinching as if struck. Oreo muffled her whimpers as the binding sand slithered off her body. The anger never left his eyes when locked onto Oreo, but he conceded and pulled Mae back to her feet. She hugged him then, the transformation dispelling.

Thanks to Sakura's talents with medical ninjutsu they were able to complete the exams.

Mae remembered how he left. He was quiet; his gaze lingered on the bloodstained scrap she still clutched tightly. Guiltily she tucked it away. Mae felt better having a fragment of her relative still with her. She was not ready to part with it yet, even if he needed it more. But she would go on to give him old pictures and trinkets from the past that Katy had kept in a little box. An understanding would come between them, two who have lost someone they cared for.

His killing intent in the later tests was smaller, harder to notice, but still present. Oreo hadn't encountered him after the fact. It was Mae who saw him off, giving him Katy's treasures beforehand.

Now they were sure to see him again, they would be fighting to rescue him, and Mae hoped both he didn't still hold a grudge against her teammate.

"I don't think he'll try it again, but if he does…" Oreo paused, her chakra buzzing nervously, "I'll just… hide behind Naruto."

"It's good to have him back." Mae smiled. She heard the hyperactive blond had returned a few days ago but she hadn't the opportunity to see him. Knowing him, he'd have saved the day before anyone else got a chance.

"There!" Oreo called her attention forward. "Up ahead. _Neji!_"

* * *

~.~.~

The water jutsu of Hoshigaki Kisame rendered Oreo's fire based attacks useless and sloshed away Mae's poison spores. The dark haired girl thought they were done for once trapped within water prison spheres; the little breath she managed to catch was quickly depleting of oxygen. Glancing to her left and right she saw the others were no better off. Black was eating at the edges of her vision as her lungs screamed for air. She felt the water's weight pushing all around her, a current flowing in circular motion. She did not have many seeds left, but what other choice did she have? She funneled her chakra into them and they sprouted into long, thorny vines. They crept through the water, growing and stretching for the clone of Kisame, who kept her liquid prison in place. _Creep up his arm, wrap around his neck_, she thought viciously, focusing her chakra into the vines. But her thoughts did not become reality, as the clone upped the pressure of the water and strengthened the rolling current. The vines were bent and the air was almost squeezed out of Mae's lungs.

Mae had nearly succumbed and if not for Gai-sensei pulling though and severing the jutsu she would have drowned – the others with her.

Gai-sensei sprang to life from the water's depths. Mae sensed the green chakra, so tangible she could almost taste it, swirl around him and saw his skin go red like blood boiled beneath it. His taijutsu was swift and powerful and the next thing Mae knew they were all staring down at the body of a man, dressed in the Akatsuki's cloak, who was definitely not Kisame.

"I told him I didn't recognize him," Gai stated, bemused.

"Some sort of replacement jutsu, perhaps?" Neji suggested.

Tenten shivered. "So creepy," she muttered, wringing water out of her sleeves.

"We should get moving," Oreo reminded, breathing deep through her nose. She was trying to be strong, but Mae knew she was shaken. A near drowning experience must have reminded her…

On the move again, Mae's heart thrummed desperately in her chest. She had no complaints with Lee's speed and she went above and beyond to keep up. She was grateful that his urgency matched hers. She gasped and her side kinked into an aching knot, but she did not slow down. They were upon the Akatsuki's hideout; a cave block by a giant boulder and sealing jutsu. Mae zoned in on it, her eyes intent. She had to get in there, she had to save him. He was a part of the family she had lost, even if he was connected only by a thread.

Kakashi's group convened with them, which included Naruto and Sakura. An old woman was with them, from Suna from the looks of her clothes. She introduced herself as Chiyo. Naruto, who was usually cheerful and bright, was buzzing with angry chakra. Mae felt the red hot aura, just inches from touching her. She shivered at the intensity of it.

Kakashi was quick to decipher what barrier jutsu they were dealing with. Mae had not come prepared, but the Akatsuki with all their tenacious ways were more than so. Not only did their hideout have a boulder secured with a barrier jutsu, the tags that kept the jutsu in place were placed far apart, forcing teams to split. A regular pursuit team couldn't manage it. Luckily they had enough people.

Soon Gai's team was heading off in a flurry of directions, scattering like leaves in the wind. It was decided that Oreo and Mae would stay with Gai's team. Mae wanted to protest, wanted to be with Naruto's group, be the first in that cave. But there was no time for objections and she was swept away with the others.

Mae and Oreo were on stand-by. They were the surprise support the enemy would not see coming, and so they held back while the others went ahead. And it was a good thing. The tags were booby-trapped. Replica clones sprouted from the earth, created from the chakra of the person who removed the tag, sucked out as they peeled it off. They were sent for this reason. Back up, support. Now they needed it. Oreo and Mae converged with Lee first.

Oreo drew her kodachi, the short sword flashing vertical in a glint of steel. Lee's taijutsu was supreme, but so was the clone's. It ducked from Oreo's blade and swiped her legs out from under her with a swift kick. A stream of fire flew from her mouth before she'd even hit the ground, keeping the clone from attacking further and by then the real Lee had dived in. Roots burst from the ground and impeded the clones movements, Oreo blasted with long-raged fire, and Lee went in close for the finishing blow.

Helping Lee defeat his imposter, they headed to Tenten. Her clone's mid-range weapon attacks did not fare well against Lee when he was able to get near. Tenten, Oreo, and Mae helped him to succeed. Neji's clone was tougher to beat but Oreo's fire jutsu kept it at bay while weapons were thrown, kicks and punches delivered, and thorns encircled. Neji dealt the final blow himself. Then all together, they went to help Gai.

"Did you have fun playing with yourself, Wedgie?" Oreo asked in mock sweetness, a sly smile tugging at her lips.

Neji scowled. "I will not even dignify that with a response!"

Mae couldn't help but snicker with Oreo. Neji was the one who could bring out Oreo's mischievous side, the side so rarely seen nowadays.

Gai was locked in combat with his clone, evenly matched with it just as his students were with theirs. But once the students descended and joined their master, the clone was quickly taken care of with their combined efforts. Oreo and Mae stood back, allowing them to do the fighting. Mae felt a small twinge of jealously. She and Oreo never got a permanent master, a sensei that was only theirs. Ebisu had been the first to teach them, but then when he was assigned to Konohamaru's gang Mae and Oreo had to receive teaching from whoever was available at the time. They had many teachers.

"All right! Good work everyone. Now let's move out!" Gai shouted before leading the charge.

In hindsight, everything flew by in a flurry. All Mae recalled was a blur of events, of fighting, of explosions and terror. Two memories would stand out clearly. The first being the blond Akatsuki member that detonated himself when surrounded by them all, the giant fireball that they somehow escaped thanks to Kakashi's Sharingan. The second… was seeing Gaara, motionless, cold, lying in the grass of the field Naruto had taken him to. Naruto was adamant that Sakura check him; check him to see if there was anything that could be done.

The tight pain in Mae's chest made her fear the worst had happened.

But it couldn't be. He was strong, one of the strongest people Mae had ever known. He was unshakable, he was…

Sakura stopped the healing chakra and removed her hands from his chest, her face taut with sadness. She shook her head, a slow, simple gesture that sent Mae over the edge. But she did not cry out, did not break down. She just stood there, numb and disbelieving. She wasn't ready for this, not again.

The tears rolled off Naruto's face. He said, his words choked, that it wasn't fair, that Gaara had had a difficult life and to end it like this… His sorrow turned to anger when Chiyo told him to stay calm.

"Shut up!" he shouted, his voice raw. "If you shinobi of the Sand hadn't put a monster in Gaara nothing like this would've happened!"

Mae noticed it then. There was only one Suna shinobi to help rescue the Kazekage… the rest were of Konoha. Her mouth twisted into a firm frown, she nearly snarled with Naruto. Would Suna ninja save the Hokage? No! Why weren't they here? Did they even want him back? The probability of that answer being no…. Her hands began shaking, her teeth clenched.

Naruto continued, "Do you have any idea what kind of _burden_ he carried? Did you even care to ask him how he felt?!" He buried his face in his arm. "For three years I've trained… and I couldn't even save him. I couldn't save Sasuke, I couldn't save Katy, and I couldn't save Gaara. Three years and nothing's changed..."

The solemn silence was pierced by his sobs. Mae knew about Naruto, knew why he cried so deeply for Gaara. They were both Jinchuuriki. Mae had learned that some time ago from her aunt.

Mae stared at the scarlet haired man she had known so long ago. He was lying there so still, peacefully, as the wind made the grass rustle around him. He almost looked as if he was sleeping.

_You finally get to sleep now, huh?_ Mae drew in a breath, hot tears gathering in her eyes. She barely felt Oreo's hand on her shoulder. Mae didn't know him that well, didn't get to spend a lot of time with him even in the past. But he was Katy's precious friend and for him to meet and such an end… She wondered if it was painful. Did he hurt? Or was he finally at peace? She wondered…

_Did you call for her in the end? Are you with her?_

Tears fell from her, but she stayed quiet.

She didn't see Chiyo move. The old woman walked slowly, a limp in her step, and only when she reached Gaara did Mae snap out of her reverie. The elder knelt down, placing her hands on his chest. And Mae sensed something then.

Energy flowing from Chiyo to Gaara.

* * *

~.~.~

**A/N:** A longer chapter. Sorry it's late, but my free time has decreased exponentially. I rushed the second half, so I might come back to edit. I also want to note that I didn't like the way Lee's team dealt with the clones in canon. How can they be stronger than before they pulled the tags after growing so exhausted from the fight? It makes more sense to either switch opponents or team up. So… Oreo and Mae to the rescue. :P

I'll update when I can. Thanks for reading and leave a review if you have time.


	5. Awakening

**A/N:** Listened to Thomas Bergersen's 'A Place in Heaven' and 'Gift of Life' while writing this.

I'd like to thank _Noel Ardnek_,_ Lirinin_, and _Violeta Night_ for messaging me with words of encouragement. This chapter wouldn't be out now if not for them. Thank you also to the ones who reviewed, favorited, and followed. It's nice to know people are interested in what I write. So, thanks again!

* * *

~ Part 5 ~

Awakening

* * *

~.~.~

All he could remember was floating in a sea of white. And he… he couldn't remember… who was he? What was he? Wait, that's right… he was…

Did he… did he ever become someone that was needed? Why… why did he want that? To become needed… Why was that so important? Why did he want that to come about?

What was that? Who…? Oh, that was… him. He was inside that. That shell, that body. Those eyes, that nose, and that mouth… why was that Gaara? How did those things make him _him_? What was he really? He was just… one small… consciousness.

The white flooded around him, drowning out all else. That was when he was left alone, thinking, where was she? His friend. The friend he longed to see. Would he be with her? Could he go to the place she was? Was it possible for someone like him… to have a place in Heaven? To be with her among grassy plains bathed in sunlight, to smell the rain kissed blossoms, to hear the singing of the birds and the soothing whispers of the wind, to feel her hand in his as they walked side by side…

What would he have to do to be there with her? Was it… too late?

His soul was alone and he felt no other presence with him. The loneliness, the solitude… it was a hell he never wanted to experience. Never again. Please… had he not suffered enough in his life? If he could just be allowed to see her… His friend who had strange ways and stranger quirks, but a heart filled with wonder and kindness… and a love he'd never known before her. She filled his hollowing heart, did her best to comprehend his pain. She, the only one who ran towards him while others ran away. An unbound and loving spirit gravitated her to him. Years gone by, she returned even after being forced away. And even when he'd lashed out a reason for her to run from him... she still came back. Riddled with fear and anger, she came back to him when he called, her care for her friend overcoming the odds within herself.

Where was she now? What would he have to do? Was… it too late?

He'd give anything… anything just to see her... one last time.

* * *

~.~.~

The white surrounded him.

_Gaara._

How long… had he been there?

_Gaara!_

Who was that? Who was… calling him?

The engulfing, blinding white receded until he could make out the shape of a hand. Who, what…? No, wait… it was his hand. His hand… How many lives had this hand taken? He lowered it, looking beyond. He saw himself, a child, alone on a dry and cracked span of earth. He was hunched over, the water leaking from his tired, weary eyes the only rainfall the thirsty land would get. Miles and miles stretched out with not another person in sight.

That child… that was him. And who was he? Who _was_ he? He… he was…

A hand belonging to another clamped down on his shoulder.

"Gaara…"

He turned and was looking into blue eyes, filled with compassion and relief.

"Naruto…?" Gaara stared with eyes wide, and as he turned his head to look around him they grew wider. Shock eclipsed him. They were not suspended in a realm of white. No, grass was under them, the sun shined above, and around him… "What… this…?"

Naruto's smile was so wonderful and bright it challenged the sun. "Everyone came running… to save you!"

So many people, people of his village, encircled him. To think anyone came at all… but so many his cloudy mind could not count! Did this mean he'd become needed? They came to rescue him. So they must need him. It awed and overwhelmed him. After all these years, fighting for acceptance, for acknowledgement... It had finally happened and all he could do was sit and stare dumbly.

"Hey!" Naruto, still grinning, recaptured his focus. "You put us through a lot!"

"I'll say!" Kankuro came sauntering up. His black hood was missing and sweat ran from his forehead. He had rushed here, Gaara could see that. "You're a little brother I'll always have to worry about."

He heard Temari's voice. "Hey, don't go getting all cheeky! Gaara is the Kazekage. You underlings better show some respect!" The next thing he knew she was in his face. "Gaara, how are you feeling?"

His answer: an attempt to stand. He grit his teeth and leaned forward on his knee for leverage, but his limbs all felt of jelly and he ended up easing back down before they gave out on him.

"You shouldn't be in such a hurry to move," his sister said, "Your body hasn't completely recovered from the rigor mortis yet."

Gaara could hear his people laugh and see them smile in glee, one wept in relief before being swatted over the head by Matsuri. "Get a hold of yourself! There's no way lord Gaara would die!" rebuked his former student. She had such blinding confidence in him... Did she not realize he had in fact died? Perhaps she did not wish to face it. She and another Sand kunoichi rushed forward in jubilee, swearing to protect him. Temari kept them back, allowing him his space.

The sunlight shimmered on the green grass. It bestowed everything and everyone around him with a glow of heavenly warmth. More than once he thought he just might be dead after all. The aches riveting his body told otherwise. He thought back to the sea of white. Had he caught not one glimpse of her? Had he not been permitted one more word with her? To tell her what he should have before she…

Maybe he did. Maybe he didn't. But it wouldn't matter if he couldn't remember.

A tender breeze filled with the scent of rain washed over the field, caressed him. One drop, then two, and so on. It fell softly, gently, a quiet sprinkle from a cloudless sky, glimmering in the light of the sun. Quiet footsteps rustled the grass, stopping once within his sight. He looked up at her and met the eyes of his Geliebt. Her hair, however, was darker and he knew who it was.

"Mae…" He regarded her with a whisper. At her side hung her hand, limply holding the tattered blue remains of Katy.

"She wanted you to be happy," she said, her voice and eyes raw with overflowing emotion that had long been repressed. "She wanted you to live… and she wanted you to be happy. Look," Mae held out an empty hand, catching raindrops, "the sun shines as it rains. These are her tears of joy. Promise you'll live. Live a full life filled with happiness. Promise…" She lowered her head and dropped her hand, water dripping from the fingertips. She was broken and tired.

He stared at her for a long time after. Naruto, Temari, and Kankuro were silent, eyes looking to him, waiting for an answer. He glanced up at the sky. Did his Geliebt cry in gladness? Was she happy he would get to live his life? Even if it meant not getting to be with him… for a while longer.

The answer came. "Yes," he said, "I promise."

The sun went on to set and the rain left with it.

The eyes of the people became clouded with solemn thought as the fate of Chiyo was revealed. Gaara stood, helped by Naruto and the quick offered hand of Mae.

"Everyone," said the Kazekage, "Say a prayer for lady Chiyo and bid her farewell."

Gaara closed his eyes, bowed his head. He thanked the old woman. What she gave was a gift she did not have to give. He vowed never to let it go to waste.

As they traveled back to the village, Kankuro and Naruto helping him, he thought of Katherine. She was gone… and there was no changing that. He could deny, he could pretend, and he could argue all he wanted. It wasn't going to bring her back. It hit him like a kick in the gut, a sinking feeling he'd been fighting for so long. Sadness clenched his heart so final and so absolute, but so too did a new sense of purpose. He was going to live for her; live when she could not. And he would protect and serve his village. He would prevent other young ones from dying before their time.

He was greeted at the gates of his village, accepted… and loved. It seemed almost like a dream, but it was real. His people welcomed him home. They parted the way for him, creating a path. "Wait," he said as Naruto and Kankuro began to go forward. Their questioning gazes switched to understanding when he looked back over his shoulder, back to where Chiyo's body was being carried. She would cross the path and be the first into the village. He would go second.

As Kazekage, his priority was to take care of others before himself.

He would see to it that his friends from the Leaf were treated and allowed to recuperate before they left on their journey home. And later, after Chiyo had been put to rest… he would also let Katy rest. He would place a blue morning glory tied with the spotted remains of her blue shirt – given by Mae, who was also able to finally let go – at the base of the willow, letting it be the memorial…

The grave she was never allowed to have.

After all was done, as he shook Naruto's hand at the entrance to the village, saying goodbye, he realized no goodbye was forever and no farewell was the end. Though they may go away, though some may die, their light would continue to shine in his heart… and in his memory.

* * *

~.~.~

She felt a pain in her chest like nothing she'd felt before; a gripping of her heart, like a force trying to cease its beating. She did not know what brought it on nor did she understand why tears leaked from her eyes. It stayed for a long time and every second was torture. Then it vanished as suddenly as it had come.

Her bones were stiff and heavy. She was cold and clammy all over. She wished she could move, then maybe she could search for a blanket or two, if there was any to be found.

She could not see. Whichever way she moved her eyes there was only darkness, so it did not matter where she looked. Blackness surrounded her, engulfed her. Every breath she took was in the dark. It filled her lungs like water and she slowly suffocated on it. It wrapped her up in an embrace she did not want.

She stared straight ahead into the blackness and listened. She could not see but she could hear. The ears did not care about light or the lack of it. Clinking noises echoed softly to her. Quiet voices murmured and then faded away. A continuous drip of leaking water resonated in her head.

Her breath left her in a sigh of defeat. She wished someone would come tend to her. They always took so long and they made her wait alone. She could not call out either. Her voice had left her some time ago. The surgeries had been too many. And there was no competent doctor where she was.

She squirmed – as squirming was all she could do – uncomfortably. She was thirsty. And hungry. Would someone please…?

Footsteps! She heard footsteps. Was someone coming for her? She waited, the gentle taps getting nearer. The little bud of joy and relief that sprouted in her heart quickly withered. The taps were fading off. A pitiful moan left her. She was helpless and left waiting. She laid there, as she had no choice but to do so, and stared into the dark.

Small streams ran above her, she heard the trickling, and she gazed up despondently. She licked her dry lips, wishing she could get up and drink some. It was taunting her. Must she be forced to lie under the water? Its presence hung over her, heavy and foreboding. It could crash down on her and she'd welcome it, despite her jittery fear of being devoured.

Was somebody coming for her, she wondered. Somebody that actually cared, who would look after her not out of reluctant obligation but out of love. Could they not come to where she was? Where she was… Where was she again?

The place where water was above and around her, yet dry sand laid beneath.


End file.
